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Jan 05

Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

human body embryo Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

 

What better thing to write about during “weaning-off-of-meds-induced-insomnia” in the early hours of the morning? I am going to start an account of my journey weaning off of them below, and I will make sure to describe all the difficulties I come across with the withdrawals.

Seroquel is typically known as an anti-psychotic medication. Yet it is not. Stupid professionals are now finding out, it is more of a sleeping pill, and is not an anti psychotic pill. Others are finding out, it might help with impulse control (I would say it ruins impulse control, just read the labels). Either way they do not know about Seroquel and it was never tested properly. Though it is also prescribed to my grandmother who is in the late stages of Dementia Alzheimer’s and it has helped to relieve her anxiety. But who can really ask her if it does, right? Professionals advise careful use of Seroquel with Dementia patients, as it can muscle spasms, such as bruxism, and can have more symptoms with use, such as death – there is a higher percentage rate of risked death in Dementia patients taking Seroquel. Click this link and you will see the warning listed, among others.

Quetiapine Fumerate Warnings and Highlights of Prescribing Information (Professional document of stuff your Doctors should know)

Weaning off of my Seroquel completely is part of my plan to live a healthy life using an alternative natural lifestyle. I am going to document my progress and my findings over the next while, because I know weaning off of seroquel is not an easy process. Weaning off with the help of your doctor is advised. Cutting off of them cold turkey is very dangerous, and can cause many terrible health problems. I have tried to do so, but never made it more than a day without serious complications. I repeat, I do not advise to go off cold turkey, because it is exceptionally dangerous.

I figure I should open up more, and share what is in my heart since this is after all a blog. So here it is… I was diagnosed as a psychotic person a long, long time ago. (When I was a rebellious pre-teen, and things looked a lot worse back then.) I really do not think I ever needed it, and I certainly do not think it ever helped me.

At the time of writing this, it has been One Year and Five Months of Sobriety from Alcoholism and my Addictions. It has been One Year since I have overcome my Eating Disorders that I struggled with for 12 years of my life. I would not have been able to do this if not for my spirituality and my faith in my higher power and the amazing 12 steps of AA. The 12 steps – the fearless personal homework I did to relieve me of thy bondage of self.

The thing is it has been even longer without my mental illness. I have been free from it for many good years now. And that was not because of the Seroquel or the mental health systems either.

 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

I am not trying to be inspiring, I am just trying to speak my truth. And I am not trying to be offending, I am just trying to speak my truth. There are many reasons I am going off of Seroquel. I have not lost my faith in medicine… just the mental health kinds of medicine. I believe meds are created to destroy us. I don’t believe I need it to live my life. I have my higher power to help me cope with anything. I have a very probable guess that I do not need this medication, but if you feel that Seroquel or any other medication is helping you, do not go off of it.

It has been probably a good 5 years since I have overcome my anger problems. My anger out of everything had me labeled as “psychotic” and a “dangerous case”.

 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

There was one amazing thing about mental asylums. Every once in awhile I met someone amazing who had a deep profound impact on my life, someone that taught me the meaning to my life.

It was when I was 16 years old, in an institution called Maples. An amazing, wise, patient and kind man who had hair just like Einstein changed my life. His name was Steve, and he is someone I will always remember. He never gave up on me. When they were about to kick me out due to my violence he fought to keep me there. Him and I would spend hours talking about spirituality, life, philosophy… He would give me cigarettes even though it was against the rules as we talked… and somehow he out of everyone figured out how to help me during my rage.

I can only hope that one day he happens to read this, so that he can know just how much of a positive influence he had on someone’s life. That day he told me he was proud of me was a turning point in my life. And I have never forgotten it.

I had just committed a murder attempt on someone. Instead of disowning me as I had expected, he said he was proud of me, and that he recognized how easy it would have been, and that I did have control because I decided not to. That was the day I realized I had control over it. That was the day I realized I could believe in myself too.

Ever since that day I spent hours upon hours changing myself. I realized I had the choice and the power to. It was not a brain disorder I had no control of. I no longer wanted to act out in violence. That man had faith in me, and I wanted desperately to believe in myself. The main thing that helped me overcome my anger problems and social phobia was actually learning how to debate in philosophy and religious forums online. I learned how to communicate properly, in fact I learned how to see truth in all sides to everything because I spent hours upon hours researching every side of the spectrum, just to find out there was no point in an argument – each side had truth. I then began to use what I had learned in real life situations.  There are just some people you meet in life that have such huge significant parts in your life. Thank you Steve. I have no idea where you are today, but I hope the universe leads me to say thank you to you in person.

The mental health systems were not what helped me. But someone amazing like Steve who worked as staff because he genuinely cared about helping youth, did help me. I spent my entire life in and out of therapy, locked up in mental asylums, being experimented on with all types of medications. None of that ever brought me to freedom – to living a life full of health, love and abundance. What really helped me was the personal work, and spirituality.

 

When they first put me on Seroquel, I was a mess – and my life was darker than anything I or anyone could imagine. For sure, but that didn’t mean I needed to be medicated with a medication that had no research done, or that caused more problems than it did cure them.

amazing1 300x187 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

 

 

My childhood was spent in hospitals. Undergoing surgery, after surgery. I was born with something wrong with my eyes (intermittent extropia). One of my earliest memories was during the second last eye surgery. I could not talk. I was barely awake enough to move. He had my eyelids clamped, told me not to blink or he would cut my eyeball, told me to stare as far as I could to the left – but I was terrified because even the clamp on my eyeball hurt and I knew I was going to feel the whole thing. And I did.

But as soon as he dissected my eye with the scalpel I was looking down at myself from the ceiling.

From an early age I learned to disassociate from pain – I would just escape. Pain is all I ever experienced throughout my childhood, I became used to it. Therefore later on in life I became addicted to self mutilation, abusing others and being abused. And major PTSD. And an alcoholic. And a sex addict.

mckean11 300x300 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

After grade 5 I had a break from surgeries.

 

When high school came around, I began experimenting with the occult. You usually hear about kids experimenting with drugs. But for me, it was the paranormal. You see, I was always a naturally spiritually gifted child. I was also adopted, and my Christian family did not take too kindly to those kinds of things. But my interest and curiosity led me to explore very dangerous things.

 

Once grade 9 came around I was diagnosed with skin cancer. Again back to hospitals, this time it was the worst time period of my entire life. They cut my nose off and it was the most painful, disturbing and grotesque thing I have ever experienced, and I do not want to write about it let alone think about it.  Basically, I had to undergo two major reconstruction surgeries. The done process of that was a giant mutilated blob as big as my fist with hundreds of tiny bright blue stitches, sewed on in the middle of my face. It took years for the swelling to go down, it took years to heal. Even now it is still deformed, and I do not have all the feeling back.

Basically after that – I snapped.

I literally couldn’t take it anymore. At the age of 13 is when everything went downhill for me. I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa and shipped off to my very first eating disorder clinic, where they diagnosed me with dual diagnosis, and sent me off to other mental asylums, which is how I spent my teenage years.

 

Within those time frames, and the time frame of my teenage years and beyond I somehow managed to experience and do so many awful things it sounds unbelievable. I do not have the ability to judge anyone. My life wanted me to experience every possible unfortunate event so that I could be as strong as I am today. And I am only getting stronger. I have come from the darkest of places.

And that is why I personally do not believe in mental illness diagnoses to a full extent, but the term insanity I do believe in. The only thing Diagnosis ever proved to me was that it prevented people from seeing me as the loving person I am, when I have made amends, have been forgiven and succeeded in life to prove to diagnosis that I don’t need it in my life to be healthy.  Diagnosis certainly never proved to me that I could not overcome it.

 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

 

The only thing diagnosis gave me was “Personality Disorders” permanently and forever on my medical chart so that now every new doctor I meet turns me away. But hey! I have learned to live an amazing and beautiful life without any diagnosis or mental health professional telling me I can’t.

For me, mental illness is a lifestyle problem and a spiritual problem that is healed through a healthy lifestyle, proper nutrition, physical activity and spirituality.

 

Medication never worked for me personally, although I know it has worked for many. This is not meant to advise anyone to ditch medication if it is working for them. But the only drug I need is my higher power.

 

Seroquel has done a lot of things for me over the years, none of them beneficial.

They originally had me on 900 mg’s. That is unbelievably high. To say I could not function on that high of a dosage was an understatement, and it seems obvious that turning me into a zombie is exactly what they wanted, as that is how they apparently “cure” mental illness.

I had to wean myself off very slowly over the years because Seroquel is a catastrophic drug with equally catastrophic withdrawal symptoms.

On new years (2012) I decided not to take my meds. Sometimes when I stay up all night there is no point in taking them, considering all they do is make me pass out for exactly 10 hours and I do not enjoy sleeping away the entire day.

I have heard many people list off the terrible symptoms they get from Seroquel.

But for me Seroquel is like a terrible sleeping pill. It makes me completely reliant on it for sleep. I cannot sleep without it. But taking it and passing out for 10 hours straight is not cool either. Especially during the day when you are interrupted. Because the side effects of waking up before that 10 hours are seizures, convulsions, nausea, hypoglycemic attacks,  low blood pressure, irregular heart rhythms – very scary symptoms, however after experiencing these I usually faint and hit the ground and sleep the meds off, although that is not pleasant either.

 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

They also do not make me a very nice morning person. It takes me a few hours to wake up fully because of these darned meds.

I have not pulled a full day and nighter without taking my meds for a very long time since I have been on 100 mg’s. So I was certainly relieved that I did not experience any psychotic withdrawals, possibly because I am on such a low dosage as it is. In the past Seroquel was inevitably known to give me terrible psychotic withdrawals, which were completely drug induced. Drug induced hallucinations, the whole nine yards. Sometimes even thinking I was Dean Winchester from Supernatural.

On a low dosage of 100 mg’s I can even get some sleep without taking my meds (I know because of times I have missed them). Not much, and not well rested sleep. The sleep is more described as being cold, restless, empty, and when I wake up I feel even worse and more exhausted. So I am worried about possible insomnia during the wean downs.

The worst mental withdrawal I had this time, was feeling intoxicated and I quite enjoyed that. I found every single thing hilarious, and often found myself laughing at every single thing. But I also had disorientation and no balance, and my senses were jittery and jumpy. Along with the classic Seroquel withdrawal symptom I always get – that gross groggy feeling like nothing is real in my surroundings, and like my skin is made of plastic.

But this time the physical withdrawals were more evident. I was pretty much experiencing symptoms of drug use, such as ecstasy.

I had a pretty bad case of what I liked to call lock jaw, made me feel like I needed a Tetanus shot! Feeling this terrible pressure throughout my jaw, and this insatiable impulse to clench my teeth together. Otherwise known as Bruxism, it is a common side effect of drug use. What I find interesting is Bruxism is also a sleep disorder symptom. It is obvious how closely related Seroquel is to sleep.

 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

And the itching. My body was so itchy I spent 2 hours in the bathtub exfoliating until I had a few layers of skin come off. It was kind of disgusting with all my skin floating in the water afterwards. But it did nothing to stop the itching.

I also felt overall nauseas and sick. And a decreased appetite. That was a plus! I hope I might lose weight going off of Seroquel!

So from that experience I somehow decided to wean off of my meds yet again, so now I am down to 50 mg’s. I am currently cutting 100 mg’s in half, and will go into see my doctor as soon as I can! I have a feeling I perhaps cut off too quickly, as that explains why I have gotten no sleep tonight.

Or perhaps that is what it feels like to have a normal sleep schedule! Perhaps now I have to fall asleep like a normal person without meds forcing me to pass out! I am actually pretty excited about that. Perhaps I can learn to have normal sleep schedules now icon smile Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

The first two nights I was taking 50 mg’s I went to bed late, and woke up early in the morning feeling well rested! Well I am not used to that, so I forced myself to go back to sleep until 3:00 in the day.

But last night I didn’t feel the need to sleep. I had tons of energy. Which is why I wrote this post. It may not be my clearest writing due to lack of sleep and weaning off Seroquel. ♥♥♥

 

 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

March 31st: Down to 50 Mgs.

I stayed on 50 mg’s for 3 months, as directed by my doctor. The drop down from 100 mg’s to 50 mg’s is the toughest drop so far.

Lowered Immune System:

I experienced oral hygiene problems, which were fixed by going to the dentist. My teeth began aching and hurting, as well as itching! And apparently I developed a yeast infection around my gums due to going off of the Seroquel. Gross. Basically what happened is weaning off the meds lowered my immune system, and got rid of all the healthy bacteria and flora in my oral cavity. It was an easy fix, just rinsing with salt water, and eating some yogurt. But I also experienced viruses, and common colds because of the lowered immune system. Among with many other physical problems.

Random Fainting Spells and Random Near Death Spells: So I’m not actually sure what was happening with these, but these spells are pretty scary. I make sure to monitor my vital signs, and I end up having typical signs of shock, which isn’t good, though I know they always pass in a matter of an hour or so. My heart rate speeds up so fast. My pulse becomes very weak and thready, to the point I lose both radial pulses in both wrists. Even my carotid pulse becomes weak after that. I would turn so pale you could see every vien on my body. I get major chest pains. If this happens to you, I would usually advise to call an ambulance. But for me, I just rested on my back and it would pass.

As for the fainting spells, they are very annoying. Very random loss of consciousness that tends to happen from overexertion and is all sleep related and due to the meds, because I can feel it coming on, my whole body becomes weak and restless feeling. The worst that happens is you pass out and get the sleep your body needs.

Side effects with physical activity: My normal low blood pressure (around 100) has been skyrocketing really high – up to 140 and higher. Then it drops really fast, causes light headedness, dizziness. I’ve been monitoring my vital signs for about a year, on a weekly basis at my job (Brigade, training to become a paramedic). From the time of the wean downs, all of my vitals have been messed up. My pulse rate is always too fast. My breathing is way too fast and shallow, almost like I have gotten out of a marathon race when I am resting. And my LOC (level of consciousness) is sometimes off the charts, and my pupils are always so dilated it looks like I either have a head injury or just finished doing tons of street drugs. I’m so glad they teach us how to differentiate between intoxication and drunkenness from other things, or else I’m sure my bosses would have had a word with me by now.

I know my resting heart rate is naturally low because I am such an athlete, in fact I always have to remember to eat more salts and replenish electrolytes and such. But the withdrawals are messing with my heart rate.

Excessive exercise is not a good idea while you are weaning down.  You really have to take it easy and rest and pay attention to your body during this time period. If you plan on working out, you need to take it easy and stick to moderate and light workouts, or else you may experience dizziness, shortness of breath, extreme bouts of nausea, and intense muscle weakness, fainting and overal body shakes. It can be dangerous. I had some scary incidences during sports where I thought I might have to call an ambulance. You may even feel drunkenness, and extreme thirst, typical symptoms of a hypoglycemic or hyperglycemic attack, however sugar or insulin will not help the matter. The best thing to do is rest, not overwork yourself, and drink lots of water.

I also experienced muscle cramping in my legs and calf muscles, which was not very pleasant while I was skipping with a jump rope, though drinking extra water than I really needed helped this a little bit.

Muscle Problems: I know this sounds a little strange, but the side effects were giving me real problems with my muscles all over my body. I mentioned Bruxism, feeling you need to clench your jaw and grind your teeth. I ended up having to go to the dentist to get a mouth guard because I managed to damage my jaw on one side because of it. But I also had extreme muscle cramping, and odd muscle reflex problems. It makes sense to drink tons of water during this time. Because dehydration certainly won’t help it. There were odd times I had a strange and unexplained urge come over me to suddenly clench my hands together. Or to tense up all my muscles in my body. I remember trying to explain it to someone once, and I complained, “my muscles are itchy!” But it felt like they were itching and I had this itching impulse to suddenly use them. So of course I would be twitching and tensing up randomly in public.

Extreme Muscle Weakness: The worst time was after workouts. It intensified muscle pain, and working out did nothing to relieve the muscle itch, and this would just lead to muscle weakness. And I am pretty sure it prolonged the amount of time it took for my muscles to regenerate. I couldn’t sleep one night because it felt like all of my muscles were collapsing in on themselves. I couldn’t even lift my arm because my muscles decided to fall asleep on me. The weakening was painful, discomforting and just plain weird.

 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

 

The withdrawals seem to be getting easier within time. 

3 Months Later: Down to 25 Mgs

Amazing Benefits! I was on 25 mg’s for only 2 months, as directed by my doctor. Well, this wean down was a lot easier. I had no complications at all, other than I was sleeping more than usual. Towards the end of the second month, I was sleeping properly, nice and relaxed, and felt ready to cut off of my seroquel all together.

 

Off Of The Meds Completely 

This was directed by my doctor. They cannot give a prescription for Seroquel lower than 25 mgs. As it is, the 25mg pill is fairly tiny. My doctor had thought 25mgs was such a low dosage, it would not have effected me at all by going off completely.

First Four Days:

I was already experiencing benefits of being off of the meds! My hands were no longer shaking in public, my energy was super high, my thoughts were clearer, and I was amazingly happy!

For me, going of my Seroquel has had so many positive benefits!

I have noticed my thinking has gotten so much clearer. Along with clearer thoughts, I am now able to be more self aware. I have noticed I struggle mostly with anxieties and worries, which has always been the case, but now I am able to identify it and deal with it, and overcome my fears. I feel a lot stronger now than I have ever felt in my entire life. Whereas before, the Seroquel was blurring my ability to see my anxieties for what they really were, and I was never able to move past them.

I have changed so much in such a short period of time while weaning off of my meds. The overcoming of my fears has been a very huge step for me. It is not overcoming all my fears at once, it has been taking one step at a time and conquering one fear at a time, and it has been going very well.

Stress has lowered a lot, because now I am able to organize and see things more clearly.

I also feel so much better about myself, and I am so much more happy now!  Everyone around me sees it too!

One of the coolest things that has happened just lately, while going off of my meds completely, is that my social skills have dramatically improved. Just yesterday, a friend of mine told me it was the first time since he has known me that I have looked him in the eye consistently during communication. I have turned into a very charming talker, with no fears or anxieties involving social situations at all! So far, my original thought that I did not need this medication is proving to be right, and I am experiencing some amazing benefits from going off of it, and it has only been 4 days off of them completely. The differences are happening very fast.

On that note, I must say the drop down from 25 mg’s to taking nothing seems to be giving my body some problems, and I am experiencing difficulties mainly at night. Surprisingly, I can sleep without the meds perfectly fine, but it is the medication withdrawals that interrupt my sleep.

The first night without taking my meds at all, I slept soundly and peacefully. The second night however, I began having major issues with my eyes.

All of my life I have experienced R.E.M (Rapid Eye Movement) while awake, every time I close my eyes, but it has never been a problem until now. It is simply annoying when your eyes dance around everywhere behind your eyelids and you are trying to fall asleep, but I have noticed at night lately it is getting to the point it is very painful. It just get’s to the point it creates a massive strain on my eyes, and the more I tend to focus on it, the more painful it gets, and it creates a migraine. I ended up having to go to the emergency room, taking my meds, as well as adavan and pain killers. So Night Two I actually took a full dose of 25mgs.

I am arranging another doctor’s appointment as soon as possible, and hopefully looking into a sleep specialist. I am pretty sure I do not have Narcolepsy, but considering Seroquel has helped me sleep for so many years (more so I was not ABLE to sleep without taking them, not even when I was past drunk with alcohol poisoning back in the day), I really have no idea what my natural sleeping habits are. It is best to have that or any other sleep disorder ruled out. Because typically R.E.M while awake is abnormal, especially if it happens consistently all the time, even in the middle of the day. In the past I was fond of its spiritual aspects, and how easy it was for me to lucid dream, astral travel, OBE, or access the dream state while awake, but if it is going to be causing problems with sleep in the future, I would like to get it looked at as soon as possible.

Figuring out if the change is due to the medication withdrawals is kind of difficult considering, it could also be due to the fact that all my life I have relied on Sereoquel to make me pass out at night, and I never had to deal with the R.E.M keeping me awake before. But then again, Seroquel is a nasty drug that effects sleeping patterns so intensely, that it probably could create a sleeping disorder, who knows. But it seems likely to me, considering most of the withdrawal symptoms are all sleep related. However I do know R.E.M has been happening since I was an infant, and is not at all caused by any drugs.

Fortunately, the third night I slept peacefully again. Last night I fell asleep rather well and managed to ignore the R.E.M and relax so my eyes did not strain during the process. For that reasoning I have figured out, the more I focus on it, and the more I stress out about it, the worse the R.E.M gets.

Unfortunately I woke up suddenly around 3 in the morning scratching myself until I bled. I was itchy everywhere. Itching from withdrawals are exactly like phantom pain, the itch is not truly there on the skin, though it feels like it is.

Thankfully I had enough hours of sleep so I felt rested enough to stay awake until the itching subsided, then I managed to get a few more hours of sleep.

It is getting a lot easier, and I will make sure to continue updating my progress!

 

Updated April 12th

It has gotten a lot worse. A friend of mine always says, “they create medications so that no one can ever get off of them” and although that may be a doom and gloom thought, I am starting to believe it is true.

Meds… you can’t live without ‘em, can’t live with ‘em.

Well I am still determined, especially after all the pain it has been causing me, at least I know I will never go back on them again. Not after knowing what these nasty things do to the brain.

Stranger things have happened…. But the weirdest thing about this weaning off of Quetiapine Fumerate journey… is that withdrawals can happen on such a low dose. Who would have thought? Apparently not my doctor, because he was the one who advised to go off cold turkey after 25 mgs.

But then, on the 5th day I woke up early in the morning with the worst case of withdrawal induced itching I have ever experienced. The withdrawal itch was so bad, it felt like it was in my bones. I was so stubborn to just get through it without having to go back on my meds, I tried absolutely everything to get rid of the itching. All I could think about was rolling around on a porcupine. I soaked in many hot baths. Then I tried freezing cold baths. I stripped down and applied hundreds of tea bags. I went to the drug store and invested in many over the counter anti itch creams. None of them worked, they just made it worse. I tried distractions, but it got to the point I was scratching, yelling, and crying in public, and creating embarrassing scenes.

And all of the above happened in a short amount of time, because I only lasted about 2 hours. I knew I wouldn’t be able to wait any longer or else I wouldn’t have any skin left.

I went to a walk in clinic, and he gave me some antihistamines to hopefully calm it down. It was an urgent action, considering I am mildly allergic to antihistamines, and would only ever take them in emergency situations. The doctor advised me to take my medication along with them, and said it was obvious I had to wean down even lower than 25 mgs. He said even if it didn’t take away the itching, I would surely be passed out – lights out for me.

This was the Doctors plan: Go back on 25mgs for another month, and then cut it in half for a few days, and then switch up on taking 15mgs. So taking one every other night. But this plan ruined my brain.

After taking the drugs I passed out within an hour, slept away the day, woke up that evening, and then peacefully slept the entire night away as well. The itching was gone!

But the next day I woke up incredibly depressed, and extremely groggy, and extremely… zombiefied, almost like I had just taken 1000mgs of Seroquel. I felt drugged and disgusting, and had no energy to get anything done. But I just blamed it on the antihistamines paired up with the seroquel I had taken the last day.

For a few days I tried taking 25mgs every night as the doctor ordered. But what this did to my brain was so bad, I would not advise this plan to anyone. For the last while I have been struggling with how to do this wean down so that it doesn’t leave me depressed and paralyzed.

As I was sitting on the floor, lazing in my sloth, I realized the feeling I felt was familiar. Familiar! My head was buzzing with numbness, I felt dumb, my surroundings were blurry. I gazed around stupidly, and nothing had any meaning to it. I suddenly despised everything I could see. I felt weak, and extremely exhausted. Even my eyesight was unusually blurry. I had no desires, no goals in mind, and I did not want to do anything other than sit there and waste away into nothing.

It is a medication induced Depression. But this feeling, I have felt every second of my life since I have been on Seroquel. The only difference now, is that I know it is not right… I know it is not natural, and it is definitely not my brain causing it. Before, I had just adjusted to living with it and did not even clue into it being… wrong. I thought it was just normal, and it didn’t even bother me. But feeling what it is like to not be clouded, there is a big difference, and I don’t want that anymore.

The only difference now, is I have experienced what it is like to be truly happy, to be truly alive. And the only times I have felt that is when I was off of the Seroquel, or when I was going off of it. Now that my body is being forced to take it again, the depression is back.

So on top of all of this, I feel angry that mental health professionals could have decided my fate by a few unruly diagnoses back in the day, and forced me to be depressed my whole life with this god aweful pill. The pill is what makes me feel this way, and it is supposed to help people? This feeling is unbearable. I have spent days just sitting in one spot, doing nothing, because the change from feeling good and alive, to the drop to feeling medicated and depressed was so vast it shocked my system. I have not been able to move, let alone get groceries for myself.

Down to 15 mgs

So I immediately went down to 15mgs, and I felt great! The next few days, the depression was gone!

But then I tried what the doctor recommended, switching up every other night. That only brought the depression back. I was skeptical about it in the first place, but thought I would give it a try. I had originally thought it would be a bad idea, just thinking about it. Going one day and one night without the meds, and then taking them again? His logic was that it was giving you “less” in your system. But what that is really doing, is shocking your brain. Your body just starts to get used to being off of it, then you feed it more right away. If you are highly sensitive to the meds like I am, it’s not a good plan at all.

Down to Approximately 7mgs (cutting them this small is difficult)

So, the night before last I cut down again. This time I cut the 15mgs in half. So now they are really tiny pills, almost microscopic! And I felt amazing yet again! I had a really good day yesterday. Mentally I was all there, and able to get many things done, and had a much needed long workout and pool day! But last night, I had decided to take that same dose for a few days before lowering down again…

I woke up today… unable to even open my eyes. I felt even worsely medicated than I did back in the day when I was on 900mgs. Why is this happening? I’m on such a low dose, that this shouldn’t be happening. There is hardly anything in my system, barely 7mgs, and I can barely wake up in the morning. Perhaps it’s all a withdrawal effect?

I was so disorientated this morning I had to crawl to my living room, I had no balance, I could barely walk. And I am not exaggerating that. Every time I stood I felt like I was about to pass out. It’s similar to that disgusting feeling of having over slept, but worse. It took me literally the whole day to completely wake up. I spent all day sitting on my zen sofa bench, playing games on the computer. More like, sitting in my disgusting filth of piled up garbage. Not typically how I like to spend my time. And on top of that, I was so depressed feeling, just miserable and disgusting.

Even now it’s like my eyelids don’t want to open up all the way, and I have no intention of completing anything in the world around me, I skipped out on muay thai class tonight, as well as my job. It’s a terrible way to live, and the medication is really starting to confuse me. I know this is not me, and I know it is the meds. I got so angry today, broke down and cried, because even though I know this is short term and temporary, I hate having to feel this way for any length of time.

I’m pretty confused about what to do next. At this point, I know taking another 7mgs tonight is going to depress me tomorrow, and I do not want to spend another day like this. That seems to be a pattern. When I stay on the meds for longer than one night, they depress me. But if I wean off of them, I feel amazing. But sadly, if I wean off of them too fast, I get physical withdrawals like terrible itching. I’m at a loss of what to do. If I wean down any further, they are going to be the size of dust particles pretty soon.

I don’t want to risk any more days of being depressed and not getting anything done, because I have many projects I want to get to.

So I think my next plan of action will be to try cut up 7mgs of Seroquel, until they are all in the size of tiny dust particles. I will make sure they are all different sizes, then arrange them in order from biggest to tiniest, and I will try and make them last for several nights. I’m sure that will only last a few nights though, and on the last night… I guess I’m going to have to pray to the gods that I don’t get itchy.

So tonight I am going to take approximately 3.5 mg’s of seroquel. 

And if my prediction that I will feel amazing and good tomorrow due to the wean down is wrong, then I am going to be even more confused. Because so far, my calculations of the patterns seem to be accurate. If I am correct, I should feel good tomorrow.

I will update this again!

 

coloured heart 150x150 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

 

 Off Of Seroquel Completely! ! !

 Why I Am Weaning Off Seroquel (Quetiapine Fumerate)

It has been many months now and there are no negative side effects at all! Good news! To wean off completely I had to basically wean off the pill, lessening the dose every single night. I had to stop switching up the doses because it induced depression.  Med induced depression. When my body had adjusted to having nothing, giving it the chemicals again only messed up my brain even more.

I had been on these meds for many years and it wasn’t until being off of them that I realized the depression I have always felt had always been med induced. It was a foggy, zombie like, cloudy depression.

It only took about 4 days until I was down to dust particles from weaning down, and I was terrified that when I had nothing left I would get the withdrawal itches again, or at least insomnia. But that wasn’t the case. Weaning down this way worked for me, despite it was against doctor’s orders. His way did not work for me.

The more days passed the more clear my thinking became. The more happier I felt.

I have so much energy now. I am no longer depressed, lethargic, heavy or exhausted at all. It only takes me a second to wake up in the morning, whereas before it used to take me hours and all throughout the day I was still groggy.

Now I am clear, vibrant, and free. I never used to be a morning person, but now mornings are my favourite times of day. I wake up early and get many things done!

My sleep is completely natural, deep, healthy and I have absolutely no problems sleeping at all!

I have never felt so happy and stable in my entire life. In fact, I have never been able to feel emotions because of the medsBeing able to feel is a beautiful journey. At times it can be tough to regulate emotions that are so new, but the gift of going off of Seroquel is that I am able to cope much more wonderfully, with a stable mind, and before I was not able to because of being medicated.

I have been able to prosper in many emotional endeavours. Going off of Seroquel was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.

There were sometimes I noticed the tightening of my jaw muscles as a symptom – but it has gotten increasingly better the more time I have sobering up and detoxifying my body from the meds. The clenching of my teeth, (bruxism) got so bad during the bad points that it destroyed my teeth and enamel. My front teeth actually chipped and broke at the bottoms. I have gotten that repaired and am supposed to be wearing a mouth guard at night. Clenching my teeth became an addictive behaviour so now when I am stressed or anxious I clench my teeth together.

I do not notice any other permanent symptoms!

I hope this long documented blog article of my journey weaning off of the meds helps you make your mind up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  1. Anonymous

    Thank you for sharing your journey.

  2. Deborah White Machon

    Omg. Your story gave me new hope. I have been forced almost for 10 years to that this poison in one form or another. did seroquel back on 04 and 05 got so fat, so depressed so messed up emotionally. I have fought the system. I can't find a doctor that will help me off these so screw it. I have done it myself. I know it's dangerous but is more dangerous when a doctor keeps putting me on something that causes me to hallucinate and well thank you so much for your story of the journey you took. You are right, they give us meds so we never get past our feelings. I hope in a thousand years humanity is not walking around drugged and zombiefied by profit making drug companies. It's a very scary horror story.

  3. Deborah White Machon

    Omg. Your story gave me new hope. I have been forced almost for 10 years to that this poison in one form or another. did seroquel back on 04 and 05 got so fat, so depressed so messed up emotionally. I have fought the system. I can't find a doctor that will help me off these so screw it. I have done it myself. I know it's dangerous but is more dangerous when a doctor keeps putting me on something that causes me to hallucinate and well thank you so much for your story of the journey you took. You are right, they give us meds so we never get past our feelings. I hope in a thousand years humanity is not walking around drugged and zombiefied by profit making drug companies. It's a very scary horror story.

  4. Stavros Louca

    Omg we r so similar the side effects scary

  5. Sabrina Danelle G

    @ Deborah – Thanks for sharing, I really hope your journey weaning off of them goes smoothly! I too hope humanity wakes up and real soon!

  6. Sabrina Danelle G

    @ Stavros – I've met a lot of others who have similar side effects as well!

  7. Spencer Caldwell

    Thank you for writing this blog, you've inspired me to wean myself off seroquel. I hate how dependent I have become on it to sleep – time to change that! I hope that your success and happiness continues.

  8. Dina Chirico Pellinger

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It is really inspiring. I've only been on Seroquel a short time (maybe 7 months or so), but I'm strongly feeling that I need to wean off of it. I don't understand why I feel a sense of urgency to wean off, but I do. I only went up to 100 mg. Tonight I'll begin with 50 mg. and call my dr. tomorrow. I hope your success and happiness continue! Blessings.

  9. Chakras

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  10. Josh Frye

    Thanks for your blog. I think I got the insight I needed. I'm off seroquel for five days straight, and I just kept feeling better, and better. More energy, and plus losing weight and trying to figure out if I've got any conditions whipped on no antiphycotics. I gained so much weight on seroquel. Got so disgusted with my self I decided to get off. The insomnia was really insane though. I'm trying byndryl next and weening my self off the seroquel quick. Thanks again for your blog.

  11. Josh Frye

    Hey there. I'm glad you got some insight. I just wanted to tell you to be carefull. The thing with me and how my stuff is all messed up is i cant get my brain to believe what i want it to. For instance, im off the seroquel for five days and all of a sudden i could not get out of my head that any discomfort i was feeling was because of the pychological addiction that told me i had to be on it. This was pretty riduculous after awhile, and i could not get that notion out of my head and so in turn started losing it. I decided to get back on. Even after i got on it i still could not get the my thoughts to stop obsessing about it being a pychological addiction. The point is that even though i was back on it i was so deep in being pychotic that i could not get my mind straight. That is what a friend told me that every time you get off medicine you need cause your screwed up and get get harder to come back. Some even go off the deep end and never find a way back. Just be carefull.

  12. Jeannine Hohmann

    You are so lucky. Not everyone is. I was advise by a Dr. to go cold turkey, which has messed me up for life and cause me some permanent damage. By the time I got in to see the sleep Specialist I was already a zombie as my seroquel stopped putting me to sleep .What people don't know about this medication, it can steal your sleep away.After seroquel, I can only sleep two hours a night and sometimes non at all. Being off the drug almost three months, so it back on some medication, although i would love to be off. It ruin my life. Before seroquel slept too much, it was hard for me to stay awake. There are many others like myself who got of this drug and lost the ability to sleep or who took this drug for other then insomnia and now have crazy insomnia, getting only 4=6 hours a night and not more. True Story!!!!

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