Dec 19

♥How To Overcome Low Self Esteem Chronicles 1.1.1♥ How to be confident


Be Feisty How to improve self esteem and gain self respect. Do you want to know how to be confident. This is part 1 of my how to overcome low self esteem chronicles. Many grand ideas into living a healthy and happy life… being the confident person you should be. 

Improve confidence. Photo by Photographer Maria Latnik

Do you want to know how to build confidence, self worth, self respect, and take the steps into confidence building?

What is self esteem? In short it is having a positive opinion about yourself.

  • Do you think you are successful?
  • Do you respect yourself?
  • Do you love yourself?
  • How would you describe your social life?

Do you have low self confidence? Having good self esteem can dramatically change your life.

How to improve self esteem:

Summon up the beautiful ferocity of your inner wild nature. Be gallant, fierce, in love with yourself. Stand up for you! Be you. Speak your truths. Your personal self love assignment will be to:

Self Awareness. Be on the lookout for situations where you can stand up for yourself, and take note in your journal, of times in the past where you could have stood up for yourself, but you did not due to low self esteem. Be aware of whenever you allow someone else to have his or her way, just because you do not think you matter. Write a list of times whenever this has happened. Look out for times where you remain silent for the fear of what others will think. Write this down in your self love journal.

Harness Your Inner Warrior

         ♥ Be Fearless. A wise woman once asked me… “Do you know what bravery means?” I thought to myself, of course I do, it means not being afraid. Brave people are unafraid and fearless. And I will obviously never be like that. But then she told me something I have never forgotten. “Bravery means doing it anyways. Just because a warrior is courageous and brave, does not mean he is not afraid. Everyone is afraid of something, everyone has fear. Courageousness and bravery means being brave enough to do something even though you are terrified.” So be a warrior! Let your spirit fly, do something for you, just do it.

Speak your truths! In order to have self respect, self worth and self esteem – Be you, be who you are, let yourself free, despite the consequences of what he or she may think. In the next few days practice sharing your personal opinion out loud with someone. You will practice setting aside time for yourself. If your children, your relatives, your parent’s, your friends demand too much of your time, say politely, “I am taking some time for myself right now.” If push comes to shove, yell at the top of your lungs, “NO!” if you have to.

♥ If you have developed a co-dependent relationship with someone, they may fight and resist your attempts to have time for yourself. Just remember you are doing them a favor in the long run, by allowing them to be more independent and loving to themselves. Expect that they may not be happy. But know that in time, if you keep up your routine of sparing time for yourself, your relationship with this person can take on a healthy role. The time you spend with them will be loving, and fun, instead of needy, and reliant on you doing things for them.

be confident

♥ Practice boundaries. If someone pushes you into something you do not feel comfortable with, then say no. If there is a problem that you need to address, one of the golden rules of confident yet good communication, is to address the problem without pointing blame. This can be very difficult at first. It takes compassion, understanding, patience… A knack for words. When you are learning to set boundaries with someone, chances are they are over powering, not good listeners, and will get very defensive once the finger is pointed at them. Instead, express your opinion as it is for you, do not include them in it at all. Saying, “I feel I am not being listened to.” Is a lot better than saying, “you are not listening to me!”

Next up on how to be more confident:

♥ Be Polite, and express yourself when it happens, not afterwards. When I was first learning to set boundaries, I had such a passion to myself that I wanted to be listened to, heard, and I realized more and more that no one was listening to me, and I felt not listened to, disrespected, and under appreciated. But I often waited too long to say “enough”, or “no”, holding it in silently, until it exploded

and I told my annoying friends what for! Though they respected me afterwards for sure, there could have been easier, smoother, and more polite ways to express myself.

Be polite, yet firm. Gain a fascination for the art of communication. Use proper etiquette. When you dress fancy, (or in clothes that make you feel good) it raises your self esteem, so strut your stuff, and dress up.

  • If you have low self worth, you may not be feeling very strong. Take a kick boxing class, or join Martial Arts. Learning self-defense improves confidence in so many ways. It also teaches you discipline and gives you a good workout. When you can kick butt, it makes you feel really feisty and confident.

♥ Work out. Working out is a good way to boost your confidence, and releases feel good endorphins, which beat anxiety and depression. It is good for accumulating a good sense of body image. After a good workout, I always feel good about how I look. I am also full of energy, I feel light, and beautiful.

Hang around like minded individuals! Maybe it’s time to join a club. A group. A support group. Self worth can be accumulated by the people you hang around. If you are a wild spirited wolf that just wants to run, hanging out with a bunch of grumpy ol’ bears that like to laze around all day, of course you are going to have low self esteem, because you are going to think those bears are looking at you weird for wanting to run. In truth they don’t even notice. But if you hang out with people that have more in common with you, you will not feel so misplaced, what’s more, your talents can blossom

people will take notice. It won’t matter if Jonny can sky dive and you can’t, because in a club or group dedicated to people who have the same talents, everyone feels equality, friendship, a family enviroment. A sense of community. Groups are important. Do yourself a favor and join one, it will make you feel connected, like you belong somewhere, it will give you some goals, things to do, and it is an amazing way to meet people.

Although he’s cute, don’t hang out with Eeyore! It can really dampen your mood, and if you want to be positively shining, then you need to find some upbeat friends. If you hang out with people that are also self – conscious with low self esteem, what does that do other than rub off on ya? Surround yourself with inspiring role models. 

♥ I’m not sure what it is, maybe the law of attraction at work, but people with low self confidence seem to attract unhealthy, toxic relationships, and abusers – this used to happen all the time for me when I had no self esteem, it was because I was vulnerable, sensitive, I was not fierce enough, and had no self respect. When I walked, I looked like a victim.

A really awesome resource I found, for you to check out: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/63-ways-to-build-self-confidence.html 

How to build confidence with relationships 

So when it comes to your future relationships, try to judge a relationship with your mind and logic instead of your intuition or heart. We can be too caring. When we have low self confidence we can also be anxious, and unclear as to what is our heart talking, or our fear talking. If someone in your life does not appear to be a good influence, then move on to find a better and healthier relationship. You do not deserve lesser people in your life. You deserve exactly the kind of love and friendships you want. Just because you feel sorry for someone, does not make it right for you to befriend them or give them anything. Be strong, and know that it is okay to do a cleanse and get rid of toxic people that are holding you back, from living a spectacular and loving life.

Be kind to your body and realize your body is your own, not anyone else’s. What is it about low self esteem that makes women (and men) feel as if they must give their bodies to someone if that person gives them something? It’s lack of confidence, the feel as if your body is not worth anything at all, and that is dangerous. Respect your body, and demand respect from anyone who does not give it the respect it deserves.

People low self worth often feel they must repay someone for kind deeds, because they are not confident enough to accept compliments. You do not have to owe anyone if they do you a favour. Accept that favour, as if you truly feel you deserve it. You do not have to give anything back.

♥A gift given is a gift received. Pretend you are accepting a gracious gift from a humble old native american elder. In native culture it is actually perceived as rude to give back a gift, or to give something back in return.

How a person with healthy self esteem accepts compliments: Next time you receive a compliment, reply dignified, respond in a charming manner which puts the compliment back on them, “Thank you, I am so glad you noticed.” This makes the person feel as if you are honoured by them noticing, and grateful for their compliment.

These are some of the many things that helped me blossom into a charming and confident person! If I can do it, anyone can! Stay tuned or subscribe to read more. I have more links to the rest of my huge list of confidence building ideas at the bottom of this page.  I used to be an unsociable hermit, with low self confidence. When i struggled from anorexia, I had absolutely no self worth. Now I am an excellent communicator, I express myself freely, I love myself, I love others, more importantly I do not judge others, and I have confidence.

These are some of the tools that helped me.

I have had some relationships with people who think it okay to barge into your house. I am great at setting boundaries now.

You know you have a problem when someone else is offering you tea… (your tea)… in your own house. Do you now anyone like this? I have had to learn boundaries, oh yes I have. LoL. ♥

♥ I thought that this was a very cute article on quick ways to appear confident, check it out: http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2010/09/09/5-ways-to-immediately-appear-more-confident/

Be sure to check out my other posts on how to improve self esteem. See How To Overcome Low Self Esteem Chronicles Pages 1.1.2 and 1.1.3 for more ideas!

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